I admit, there has been a lag in updating you, but I’m here now.
Since childhood I’ve been inundated with dreams and visions. For about a year, I have been learning to gleam the meaning of my dreams. In the beginning, understanding didn’t come easy. So, I started writing them down. Getting the picture down freed my poor brain from having to remember the semantics – and then there was an ah-ha! Dreams manifest the psyche as they sew together seemingly disparate elements drawing connections from the past, present, future – of this life as well as from ones past.
This morning, I woke up from a nightmare. A nightmare that dragged on for hours on end as I drifted in and out of sleep. It was as if the reel was set on ‘Play’ and I had no choice but to watch it to the end. At 10am, I lay in bed, transfixed, partly paralyzed with fear, unable to comprehend the magnitude of the dream. Another hour passed, I just lay there processing the dream.
It was the dream that prompted me to write this post.
I moved to Dallas this month, for work. My husband and kids are still back in Raleigh. Last year, on this day we were all in Padova, Italy (Day 23 of 365 ~ New Year’s Eve).
What a journey it’s been!
If you think I’m referring to the cross-country move, you are mistaken, although that surely played a big part. Major life-shifts can only be predicated by major upheavals that serve to set the momentum, and so it was with the move. In April I came to the US to do my TEDx talk, my kids came with me. We never went back. My husband was still in Italy, working – he came back to the US in August.
I was yet again in the midst of schooling issues, trying to lessen the impact of the move on my kids. I battled hard against the school system but didn’t win. My kids were disappointed and I was beaten. While their friends here welcomed them back with open arms, they received emails from their friends abroad asking them to come back. But amidst all the zillion complaints, my precious ones have been troopers.
In May, the tsunami hit, a voracious metaphorical one, as secrets came to light, secrets that were lurking in the dark for the past five years. The months rolled on bringing more stuff from the labyrinth of secrets to life. I fought with the demons. I lived in constant fear, whether I was awake or asleep, looking over my shoulder for I wasn’t sure who to trust, never feeling at ease no matter where I was, and trying to deal with the magnitude of it all.
If you had asked me on this day last year, I surely wouldn’t have guessed that 2012 would end up this way. But it has. The Pandora’s box has yet to be sifted through; the ordeal is far from over. Who knows what is in store for me in 2013! But I always see a silver lining, perhaps it is an early onset of astigmatism. I feel I have paid my dues, in compound interest. I have been brought to my knees and all I have left now is a serenity prayer:
HAPPY NEW YEAR TO YOU ALL!
LOVE & HUGS – Lav.